Do you ever wake up in the morning and instantly feel sad? Knowing that you don’t have hair can have that effect on you. Sometimes, you can wake up feeling like badass b and sometimes you wake up feeling like the whole world is shit and nothing is ever right in the world.
September is Alopecia Awareness Month, so I just wanted to write a quick post. Two years ago I wrote a post about my journey with alopecia but haven’t really written about it since. I have been more open about it on Instagram and the support has been so amazing. Admittedly, it has taken a mental toll on me because I scroll through the #alopeciaawarenessmonth tag, read other people’s stories and connect with the words, and wow… the number of times I have cried!
If you haven’t already, I suggest you go ahead and read my post here. I need to go back and edit it because since moving over to chynnawebley.com some of the photos in my posts have gone, but still – go and read it. ?
I am in a much better headspace since I last wrote that post. Yes, I have the odd day where I think, “Wow, I got dealt some really shitty cards” but for the most part, I know that I can rock a bald head if I were to go outside without my wig. I am actually really glad social media exists because growing up I didn’t know anyone who had alopecia so it was a really lonely space for a while. My friends were definitely there for support, but sometimes it’s just nice to have someone who you can relate to.
2017 me was still holding onto the last patches my hair. It was such a funny time because I was wearing wigs full time at this point, so there was really no point in still hanging on. But, it was emotional. To let go of the last few strands of my hair? Whew. It reminded me of the times when I still had a full head of hair and could do all sort of styles. Clutching onto memories, but sometimes you just have to let go. And I did. Granted, I still haven’t been out the house without my wig (except to take out the bins, ha) but we move. Baby steps, right?
Whenever I go to write about my alopecia, I sometimes can’t get the words out. It’s not that there isn’t much to say, but rather there is too much to say. Sometimes the emotions can be so overwhelming that I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world. Have you ever felt an emotion so powerful, that it feels like your heart is about to burst? That’s how I feel sometimes when I look at the selfies I’ve taken of myself without my wig. Don’t get me wrong, I know I look fly but I always wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t have alopecia. Would I be the person I am today? Or has alopecia and other external factors made me the person I am today?
I’ve never really wanted alopecia to define who I am. It’s a big part of me, but it’s not all of me, right? Now I am stuck in front of my screen because I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t know if there will be a stage where I will ever get over my alopecia because most of the time I am really resentful. Despite the love and the support and the community, a really tiny part of me doesn’t want it. That sounds really ungrateful, I know, but there are points where I just want an easier life. Not to be filled with negative emotions because of not having hair. It’s a lot.
Life will never be easy, though, right? We gotta take what we got and roll with the punches.
I’m going to keep this post short and sweet because I’ve been idling over this post for the most part of today. I’ll reiterate my statement that I wrote in my last post: to my fellow alopecians – we got this. Don’t be afraid to be who you are and always take care of yourself because things like this can be such a mental strain. To friends and family of people who have alopecia: be there for them, support them and love them.