Thoughts

Is She Back?

I’m not sure if I have a blogging voice anymore because it’s be so long since I have blogged. Well over a year, in fact. I won’t go into why I was away for so long and if I’m honest, I’m unsure if I’m back for real but I won’t lie it does feel nice to write like this.

I’ve been keeping my writing mostly to my journal because I have a lot of feelings that the Internet doesn’t need to know (because I’m a firm a believer that some things should be kept private), but something in me has been ignited. I’ve been thinking more about my writing as well, because it has also been a while since I’ve written anything fictional.

Writing used to be my everything when I was growing up. When I was in secondary school I would write chapters and chapters of this silly little story and revel in delight at my friend’s reactions to my words. I actually found this story when I was moving out and I laughed so loud at the ridiculousness of the actual plot but I also loved that I used to write like that with no fear of judgement from my peers.

I feel like as I got older, I felt this invisible pressure and also fear that people wouldn’t like what I write anymore and that my stories were juvenile. I have started so many stories and never finished them and my therapist might deduce that it’s because I have a fear of things ending, but that’s irrelevant. I haven’t done NaNoWriMo in several years because I feel like I have no stories left in me. Or rather, I have stories but I am unsure if they are stories I want to tell.

I’ve always drawn from experience when it comes to writing, but there has been so much sadness in my life that I don’t think I’m quite ready to put it on paper. I did start something last year, but I haven’t touched it since. Perhaps this little boost I’m having will encourage me, but honestly, who knows?

I am also aware that I’m probably writing into a void now because do people still read personal blogs? I know that I don’t personally, but that’s me and maybe there’s still a reader who secretly checks up on this blog every now and then. If there is, hello! It’s so nice for you to still be here.

I want to say that I can’t believe it’s going to be 2023 soon but let’s be real, time isn’t real especially after we have lost around about 3 years thanks to the pandemic. Personally, I can vaguely remember 2020, 2021 was horrendous and we are currently in 2022 which I am remembering far to vividly for my liking.

I am not entirely sure what I want to get out of this post, but if anything it’s just nice to write for writing’s sake. Just for me personally because I can tell you now that 2018/2019 blogger!Chynna is SO different to the person I am now. I’ve had to change though and I am still trying to slowly figure out what I like and don’t like and whether I still have passion for things like I used to.

How complete strange that I felt compelled to write anything at all. Perhaps it’s because I’m going through a transition period again and it’ll be interesting to see who comes out on the other side.

Chynna has been creating blog posts since 2009. I hope you enjoyed this post! Please feel free to leave a comment below, I love hearing from you all ?

2 Comments

  • Claudine

    Hey Chynna! This post sums up all of my thoughts and reasons why I’ve been gone for so long. Like you, I also feel like I no longer have a blogging voice, and honestly, I just feel like stopping sometimes because I don’t see the point. Most people don’t read personal blogs anymore, and we now have social media if we want to share something about our lives. It’s just easier posting on there. But having said that, I still miss writing like this. Yes, I also write in a journal, but writing in a blog just feels different. Yes, it feels like writing in a void, but it’s something that I don’t have the heart to let go of, at least not yet.

    Well, one thing’s for sure: I might not be as active as before and I might not comment much, but I’d be happy to read whatever you’re going to post! 🙂

  • Karin

    Hi, just wanted to let you know some people do read personal blogs. 👋😊 I follow a lot of blogs via RSS and “dead” blogs coming back to life after long breaks is why I never unsubscribe from anyone!

    I do hope you continue to write and find your voice and your passion again.

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