I’m not sure if I have a blogging voice anymore because it’s be so long since I have blogged. Well over a year, in fact. I won’t go into why I was away for so long and if I’m honest, I’m unsure if I’m back for real but I won’t lie it does feel nice to write like this.
I’ve been keeping my writing mostly to my journal because I have a lot of feelings that the Internet doesn’t need to know (because I’m a firm a believer that some things should be kept private), but something in me has been ignited. I’ve been thinking more about my writing as well, because it has also been a while since I’ve written anything fictional.
Writing used to be my everything when I was growing up. When I was in secondary school I would write chapters and chapters of this silly little story and revel in delight at my friend’s reactions to my words. I actually found this story when I was moving out and I laughed so loud at the ridiculousness of the actual plot but I also loved that I used to write like that with no fear of judgement from my peers.
I feel like as I got older, I felt this invisible pressure and also fear that people wouldn’t like what I write anymore and that my stories were juvenile. I have started so many stories and never finished them and my therapist might deduce that it’s because I have a fear of things ending, but that’s irrelevant. I haven’t done NaNoWriMo in several years because I feel like I have no stories left in me. Or rather, I have stories but I am unsure if they are stories I want to tell.
I’ve always drawn from experience when it comes to writing, but there has been so much sadness in my life that I don’t think I’m quite ready to put it on paper. I did start something last year, but I haven’t touched it since. Perhaps this little boost I’m having will encourage me, but honestly, who knows?
I am also aware that I’m probably writing into a void now because do people still read personal blogs? I know that I don’t personally, but that’s me and maybe there’s still a reader who secretly checks up on this blog every now and then. If there is, hello! It’s so nice for you to still be here.
I want to say that I can’t believe it’s going to be 2023 soon but let’s be real, time isn’t real especially after we have lost around about 3 years thanks to the pandemic. Personally, I can vaguely remember 2020, 2021 was horrendous and we are currently in 2022 which I am remembering far to vividly for my liking.
I am not entirely sure what I want to get out of this post, but if anything it’s just nice to write for writing’s sake. Just for me personally because I can tell you now that 2018/2019 blogger!Chynna is SO different to the person I am now. I’ve had to change though and I am still trying to slowly figure out what I like and don’t like and whether I still have passion for things like I used to.
How complete strange that I felt compelled to write anything at all. Perhaps it’s because I’m going through a transition period again and it’ll be interesting to see who comes out on the other side.