Life,  Thoughts

Finality of It All

Writer’s block can be tedious, can’t it? Especially when writing a 10,000 word dissertation due in 8 days. Yeah.

As I am writing this, it will have been 24 hours since I last had a proper sleep. I know what you are thinking, ‘Chynna! You need your sleep if you want to write a good dissertation!’ You try telling that to my brain which just won’t shut the fuck up.

A lot of things have been running through my mind lately, partly because I realise my time in education is soon coming to an end. Actually, in 8 days my education will have officially ended because that is when I hand in two copies of my dissertation in hardback.

This realisation has brought on two major thoughts;

  1. I have to find a job if I want to survive the summer and the rest of my life
  2. I will no longer get a student loan, which is arguably the best loan I’ll ever have

The security of my loan has what has kept me alive this past 3 years of university but once I finish, that is it. Speaking of, I’m barely surviving now as I officially received the last instalment of my loan in April. Things just got scary real. The fact that I need to find a job for the summer is inevitable. It’s the fact that even if I do get a summer job, I need to find an ACTUAL job. You know, nine to five/salary with possibility of benefits/holidays kind of job. Ideally I don’t want to get stuck in an office job but even if it were an office job, I’d prefer for it to be within the creative/media industry. That I can deal with.

My dissertation has taken up so much of my time lately, and even with the help of my supervisor I feel like I’m drowning all the damn time. This past Wednesday I did my last presentation of the year and also handed in my last essay of the year. That was a pretty good day, actually. After everybody did their presentation, a few of us decided to go to Quids Inn (pub-like place with student friendly prices) and revel in the fact that we have almost finished. A glass of wine made me a little more jubilant than expected and the sunny weather was an added bonus. We all discussed what we wanted to do after graduation, and of course most wanted to get a job. At the moment, it didn’t matter what kind of job just something to provide money that would sustain them for now. Couldn’t blame them really.

One girl is staying on to do her Masters, which is something that I was considering for a while until I realised, a) I don’t want to be stuck writing essays, doing presentations, writing another dissertation for a year and b) Even with discounts, it is way too expensive. I could possibly do a Masters in the future but right now, not so much.

On another note, that Wednesday I went to see Iron Man 3 with 2 of my friends. The film definitely the high standards it set. I loved it and definitely want to see it again. Like I said, that Wednesday was a good day.

The end is almost nigh, and I can almost taste it. I can literally count the days on my fingers and I feel that if I stretch far enough I can grasp it. Even after I hand in my dissertation there is a long wait for the results. All my hard work had better fucking pay off otherwise I will be fucking pissed. I officially registered for graduation the other day and have been browsing gown/cap hire and photography. This will be my first graduation, ever. Not that I plan to graduate more than once but you get my drift. It’s kind of a big deal. I know the US has a graduation every time you pass a year or something (lol, I might be exaggerating sorry). But yeah, it is a pretty big deal not only for me but also for my family because I’ll be the first grandchild on my dad’s side to have graduated from university. Fucking pressure, much. I just want my family to be proud of me (even if my granddad didn’t much like the subject I chose to study at university. Whatever, I had fun studying it). November 18th will be a glorious day. I hope.

Almost there, guys. Almost there. Just remember, guys, if I the world’s worst procrastinator can pass university then so can you.


  • Sakura

    Congrats on finishing your dissertation! How is your job search so far? I also graduated and is stuck in the same situation as you. However, instead of writing essays, my course prepares me more for writing codes. Haha.

  • Ashley

    The pressure to get a job and stuff is something a lot of people are dealing with right now. I am sure you will find a good job in time. 🙂 I wish you the best of luck!

  • Merii-Beth

    LOL the fact that you’re graduating gives me hope because I’m honestly such a huge procrastinator just like you so hopefully I’ll be able to get through uni as well. Congratulations on the graduating even though you haven’t graduated yet! I’m so proud of Chynna! 🙂 And honestly good luck with all the final projects and stuff you have to go through. I’m going through mine right now and these are just high school things that I can barely handle so I can only imagine how hard yours must be.

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