Burnt Out

As you might have noticed I have made the move to chynnawebley.com. I wanted to focus more on my portfolio, which has definitely been neglected for far too long and therefore have put my blog here.

I didn’t expect to be away for this long again but my mental health comes first. Blogging, for me, has always been a passion of mine but in recent months it seemed more like a chore rather than a fun little hobby. I love seeing everyone else excelling in the blogosphere and I’m always sneaking around, peeking at everyone’s posts and cheering on everyone’s achievements. However, when it came to my own blog, I would open it up and just feel nothing.

I never wanted to fall out of love with blogging, so I decided to take an unexpected hiatus and focus on other things and I’m pleased I did. I’m now ready to come back with full force, with better content and to reconnect with you guys.

I haven’t written anything in what feels like eons, but I’m slowly trying to get back into freelance writing. (If you know anyone looking for a freelance writer, or know any gigs going please feel free to email me)

WORK 💼

Work has not been great. It got to a point where I’d wake up in the morning and feel utter dread to go into work. I had to call in sick; otherwise, if I went in then it would have been really detrimental to me. I remember going in before when I was feeling like that and it was dreadful.

But those weeks that I took off were good for me and it got me thinking (dangerous, I know) about what I want to do in life and how I feel like I’ve been working for so long with nothing to show for it. I attempted to search for jobs to do with my degree (Communications, Culture and Media) and I was really on it for a while. I even got an interview, but then I really deeped it and knew that I didn’t want to do an office job; Monday – Friday, 9 – 5:30.

I like my 4 day week. I don’t mind doing long hours if it means getting a day off during the week. However, when I don’t enjoy what I do it does become taxing. It affects my whole self. I can become withdrawn and I get tired really easily. I wish it was easy for me to just quit and be done with it, but let’s face it – this economy is a tough one to live in and whoever says money doesn’t make you happy is a goddamn liar.

My time away from work gave me space to mull over and I figured out that what I need is a change in scenery. So, whilst it will be a long while before anything happens because I need to save money I have decided that I want to work abroad.

I’ve already come up with a savings plan, I’ve narrowed it down to three countries and I will most likely be looking to teach English. It’s a big step but an exciting one and I already have the support of my best friend and my mother knows of my plans as well, so I am extremely pumped to get the gears going on this. There’s a lot to figure out and let’s face it moving to a different country is a whole new ballpark, but if I could do it back in 2011 then I can definitely do it again in 2020. Fingers crossed!

BLOGGING 📝

I did a clear out. When I was transferring my content over, I realised I had a lot of old posts. I mean really old dating back to 2009 and so I sifted through them and realised that whilst they will always hold a special place in my heart (it’s when I started blogging, after all) they weren’t really relevant to what my blog content is nowadays.

I saw a shift in the way I started blogging in 2013, so I decided to clear out all the posts before then. I’m also looking at coming up with more content and becoming more consistent in my blogging. I always make promises that I sometimes can’t keep, but I’ll try and do better, though.

Do better, do better – my mantra when it comes to this blog. I don’t want to force it, of course, but I really want to give it another go. Because writing will always be my first love and I want to get back into the rhythm of just writing because I want to rather than seeing it as just another thing I need to cross off my to-do list.

I want to get stuck into my blog series’ again – The Feminist Diaries, Let’s Talk About…, The Food Diaries – because I really enjoyed writing those and let’s face it, it’s more fun when you’re writing about what you love. And for me, as you should know, that’s food. I might start some new series; maybe about what I’m watching/reading at the moment, a specific travel series, pieces of stories I’m working on at the moment.

All I really want to do is start afresh without having to start all over again, but rather build on what I already have in place.

HEALTH 🏥

I was doing great and then I wasn’t doing great. I suffer from eczema, and whilst it has been under control for many years, for some reason I had the biggest flare up I’ve ever had since God knows when. One moment, my skin was semi-rash free. Next thing I knew, it wasn’t.

There could have been a variety of factors involved, including the change in weather (it was an extremely hot summer for us), my diet was shit or I was under a lot of stress at work. Needless to say, it was not fun waking up in the morning with dotted blood all over my sheets from where I’d scratched myself at night.

I literally had to avoid all sorts of soaps and shower gels, so as not to irritate. I took only 2-minute showers, enough to be clean. I had to slather myself in hydrocortisone cream and emollient cream. I’m usually very cavalier about my eczema. Like I don’t actually care about having my arms out even when it’s very obvious. But this recent thing that happened had me wanting to wear long sleeves all the time. The skin above my upper lip kept cracking and I just felt really self-conscious.

It was tough, but I got through, as I always do. It would just be a lot easier if I didn’t have it, you know? I don’t need extremely clear skin, but it would be great if I didn’t have to worry about itching and scratching and worried that my skin is peeling off/bleeding again.

Other than that, it’s been alright. I attempted to do the Autoimmune Paleo Diet (AIP), which is a version of the Paleo diet, designed to help treat autoimmune diseases such as eczema. I didn’t stick to it because the week after I started, my family from the Philippines came to visit and because I have no self-control I ended up eating out with them a lot and they kept cooking and putting stuff in the fridge and well… yeah.

Do I want to feel better when I wake up in the morning and not feel like I haven’t slept in a hundred years? Absolutely. It may sound like I’m making excuses (yeah, I probably am let’s face it), but there are so many factors in life and for me, it’s not so easy to control all of them the way I want. So, for now, I will focus on what makes me happy and I feel like that will sort of get me on the right track into not only having a healthy lifestyle but also a healthy mind.

WHAT’S NEXT? ✈️

Focus. That’s what I need to do. Focus.

Also… going on this trip this month with Mutay and living our best lives. First stop, Iceland then flying over to Toronto and then finally stopping in New York. We planned this for our birthday, but because our birthday is in August and it’s always expensive around that time, we moved our traditional trip to October and I am so excited.

I need this time to get away from London. I think that’s what’s also got me in a rut. If I stay in London for too long, then I get antsy. Sure, there’s plenty to do here and I can meet up with my friends but there’s a whole fucking world to see. We are so small in comparison to the Earth we live on. I feel like we should all take it upon ourselves to discover what’s out there.

Sure, not everyone can do that but if you can then take advantage of that privilege. Why?

5 Comments

  1. 2nd October 2018 / 2:36 pm

    I felt the exact same way about blogging, burnt out, but I am so glad you’re back!

    You don’t have to be superhuman. I know that is what we are taught and that it is what a lot of people pride themselves in nowadays. Do what you can with what you have. It seems like that’s exactly what you did and I’m so proud of you.

    I encourage you to do what you can (within reason 😆) while you’re young. Working abroad sounds like an absolute dream and it will be fantastic to be able to make that decision with the support of your loved ones. I can’t wait to see where you’re led!

    Continue to do the things that you love! Harness that passion and hold onto it like you would a babe! There are really good things ahead for you, Chynna, I just know it. So, keep taking care of yourself. Keep looking for that next adventure. Keep believing in yourself and when you can’t find he strength to do that, know that I, and a bunch of other souls, believe in you.

  2. 4th October 2018 / 4:53 am

    Welcome back to blogging Chynna! I hope that moving everything over helps give you a fresh mind as well. I have been blogging intermittently for the past few months as well, and only recently after going to a conference did I feel more motivated and inspired to blog as regularly as I did in the past. I’m really upset to hear that you have felt burnt out though! 😞 Being burnt out is a very real thing, and I’m glad you were able to be open and share your feelings, because sometimes it helps to get it out. I 100% advocate for taking care of your mental, as well as physical, health, so glad you got a break from work as well.

    I have a degree in communications too but I don’t think that it really contributed much to my career right now as a developer. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Definitely don’t be afraid to think outside the box, and if you have skills elsewhere that you may not necessarily have learned during your degree, see if you can get a job there!

    Your eczema sounds like it was really painful and giving you the absolute shits recently! I think it’s important to have a healthy mind for sure – I’m sure the more positive you are mentally, the easier the eczema will be to deal with, even when it gets rough 🙏

    I totally agree there is soooo much of the world to see! Some days I really appreciate being in Sydney, but I definitely think it’s important to not be too comfortable in your comfort zone 😉

    Take care, LOTS OF LOVE ♥️😍

  3. 6th October 2018 / 5:04 am

    Hihi Chynna! Welcome back to blogging! Sometimes, we need to take time away from certain things. Chase what your heart is calling for. If you strongly feel like you want to pursue something with your degree, the world is out there for you to conquer! I feel the same with you about cleaning out old blog posts, hehe. Keep taking care of yourself – you’re doing great. Have fun with your upcoming vacation!

  4. 14th October 2018 / 1:36 am

    You and I both must have been on the same wavelength since I took an unexpected hiatus, too! I, too, was bogged down by work and was absolutely not in the right place physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I didn’t want to blog or go online as much. Now, though, I feel stabilised to the point of being better and thus am back online 🙂

    Take care of yourself always, Chynna. I’m glad you’re making plans to go abroad to live and work there. I need to be as brave as you to do that, haha! But in all seriousness, I think this will be good for you, and I hope it will make you happy ^^

    It’s a good idea to move your annual trip to October when everything is so much cheaper! I wish you a wonderful time on your journey with Mutay.

    • Chynna
      Author
      17th October 2018 / 11:13 pm

      I’m so glad to hear you’re doing much better and it’s been good to chat even when we weren’t blogging! Thank you so much, T! It’s an exciting move!

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