2018 Reflection

Happy New Year, my lovelies!ย ๐Ÿ’• The last time I did one of these reflections was in 2017, and I thought it was a really good way to look back on the year and really discover what I learnt about not only myself but also the world around me.

2018 was, for all intents and purposes, actually a pretty good year. People have said it was up and down, and sure I’ve had some really bad downs but I still managed to go away quite a bit, eat some really good food and create new memories with the ones I love.

So, without further ado here is my reflection on 2018.

DESCRIBE 2018 IN 3 WORDS

Fun. Stressful. Fat.

WHAT WERE YOUR HAPPIEST MOMENTS?

Stepping off the plane and into new countries. Creating some really amazing memories that I can share with others. When I finally got my blogging mojo back.

WHAT NEW SKILLS DID YOU LEARN?

I don’t feel like I’ve actually learnt any new skills! I’ve mostly honed the ones I already have, but for the most part, I have a lot more work to do in 2019. I need to work more on my craft – that means getting back into fiction writing (which I’ve been saying for months now, ugh) and building up my portfolio.

WHAT WAS YOUR MOST COMMON STATE?

I was mostly in a happy state.

There were a couple of weeks, maybe months (I lose track of time) where I was in a depressive state. I didn’t want to do anything – no, I felt like I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t get outย of my bed and all I wanted to do was eat shit and watch TV. I’d wake up in the morning and look in the morning and think, “God, you look disgusting,”, start crying and call in sick to work.

I hit an all-time low with work and it was pretty rough for a while. I’m at a stage now, though, where I just need to think about saving so I can chase my goal of working abroad. I really don’t think the place I’m at is good for my mental health. It took me a while to come to that conclusion, but now I need to fight to get out of there because I fear I’ve become too comfortable.

I was in a euphoric state when I got to travel to 2 new places this year: Iceland and Toronto. I want to keep up that feeling not just in travelling but also in general.

WHAT LITTLE THINGS DID YOU MOST ENJOY DOING?

Being able to be by myself and reflect on things. Hanging out with friends and catching up. Visiting my grandparents every Sunday. Laughing until my stomach hurts. Time off work to recuperate and rest the mind.

WHAT QUALITIES/HABITS DID YOU STRENGTHEN?

Nada. 2018 was a haze – I feel like everything stayed the same. I guess you could say I strengthened my confidence. I am more emboldened to discuss my alopecia with people and post photos on Instagram without my wig. We’ll see if I ever get to the stage of not wearing a wig in real life.

WHAT NEW THINGS DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF?

That I need to acknowledge my mental health and not think that it’s something other people have and that I don’t have. I feel like people see me as someone who is bubbly, outgoing and loud and so I feel like I have to put up that facade all the time, which isn’t the case. It’s okay not to be okay.

WHAT DID YOU DO THAT GO YOU OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

Be brave talking about certain things I didn’t like talking about before like my alopecia. More like I’d graze on the subject but never fully delve into it. It can be mentally draining talking about it, sometimes, which is part of the reason why I don’t but little things like posting about how I’m feeling about it on my Insta story helps a lot.

DID ANY NEGATIVE EVENTS HAPPEN? HOW DID YOU OVERCOME THEM?

Absolutely hated the way I looked. As I mentioned earlier, I’d wake up in the morning and just cry and feel sick and roll back into bed. I’m not sure exactly how I managed to overcome it but it was a multitude of things like talking to my best friend, escaping into books and a lot of therapeutic writing.

I’ve gotten to a stage where I’m confident now and genuinely think I’m hot shit. I’ll have days where I don’t feel like that, but that’s normal. For the most part, I know I’m a buff ting.ย ๐Ÿ˜‰

WHAT AND WHO ARE YOU MOST THANKFUL FOR?

I say this all the time and I will always shout it from the rooftops: I am so thankful for my best friend. A TRUE BBY GIRL.ย ๐Ÿ’•

I’m also thankful for my friends who support me unabashedly. For my family who loves me unconditionally. For being alive, as cliche as that sounds. For being able to enter 2019 with more hope, optimism and love.

To all my loves, I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope 2019 is more successful than last year and that it is filled with love, happiness and prosperity.ย โœจ

4 Comments

  1. 5th January 2019 / 2:44 pm

    Happy New Year, Chynna! I love this format for reflecting on your year. I used to answer a set of questions, and it really made me think differently about my year.

    Sorry to hear about your mental health not being great for part of the year. I think it’s easy to forget to put ourselves first, especially when there’s so much pressure to be doing well at everything and to just keep smiling. I’m glad you’re coming out of that now, and hope your working abroad plans go well. And never think you’re anything but beautiful! I used to spend so much time trying to make myself look “nice” and just hating myself, and it was just so bad for me. I still think like that occasionally, but try not to focus on it too much because it just made me miserable.

    I’m glad you got to travel lots again. I love reading your travel posts and seeing the places you visit. One day, I’ll fill out that dreadful passport application and get out of the UK!

    Hope 2019’s a good one for you!

    • Chynna
      Author
      13th January 2019 / 12:11 pm

      Happy New Year, Amy! Yes, it’s definitely a good way to reflect – I love doing roundups at the end of the year, but I most of the time I’ve forgotten half of what I’ve done during the year. Much easier to just answer questions and reflect ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thank you so much, Amy. It was definitely a struggle, but I’m slowly getting out there and trying to focus on my plans for the future. All very exciting stuff!

      I do hope you get to go abroad one day – I promise you, it’ll be the best decision you ever make <3

  2. 11th January 2019 / 12:17 am

    Happy new year! I’m sorry to hear about the depressive state you were in ๐Ÿ™ I’m glad you’re figuring out what isn’t good for your mental health and that you’ve worked on your confidence. You are definitely beautiful! I hope you’ll figure out a new job situation soon though. That’s rough to work at a place that makes you feel that low.

    I’m glad you had good trips though! It’s always fun to see your photos when you travel. I’d love to go to Iceland some time, and I’d like to revisit Toronto since I haven’t been there in years.

    I hope 2019 will be a better year for you!

    • Chynna
      Author
      13th January 2019 / 12:13 pm

      Happy New Year, Cat! That’s okay – we all have those moments in life, I feel. But thank you so much <3 I really do need to focus and get out of that place sooner rather than later!

      I hope 2019 is a good year for you!

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